The Pilot:

Harm:	Can you get in?
Kate:	Of course. Can you?
*****
Kate:	Want to bet on who gets in first?
Harm:	But you've got a head start.
Kate:	What a man.
Harm:	Thank you, but you still have a head start.
Kate:	You want to bet or whine?
	(Harm opens the safe)
Harm:	Bet.
*****
Harm:	Not all women in the Navy feel the way you do about having a lover. Thank God!
*****
Harm:	Okay, you're both pursuing theories based on gender bias.
Kate:	And you're not?
Harm:	No, I like the idea of going to sea with women.
*****
Kate:	Those wings look good on you. (points to the gold wings on the uniform)
Harm:	Well, you know what they say about gold wings and dress whites. They'll get you in bed anywhere.
Kate:	Except here.
*****
Harm:	You can't. We're not a Board of Inquiry. We're a two man team. And the senior member writes the findings.
Kate:	Two man.......?
Harm:	Okay, Kate, so I'm a little chauvinistic.
Kate:	Yeah...
Harm:	I though you'd find that charming.
*****
CAG:	You with me, Lt?
Harm:	To hell and back, sir.

Shadow:

Harm:	Impressive pick up, sir.
Cmdr. Lindsey:	I thought you'd appreciate it, Lt.
Harm:	I don't know if the President did.
Cmdr. Lindsey:	The President?
*****
Meg:	Kate sends her regrets.
Harm:	You know Kate?
Meg:	Well enough for her to warn me, sir.
Harm:	About what?
Meg:	That's privalidged information, Lt.
Cmdr. Lindsey:	Lt. Austin is a computer weapons specialist.
Harm:	I thought you were a lawyer.
Meg:	I'm multi-talented, sir.
Harm:	Well, I'm sure you are, Lt.
Meg:	No, you're not, sir, but in time I'll prove it to you.
Meg:	I'm not immodest, sir, just straightforward. Comes from being raised in Texas.
*****
Bad guy:	Don't you hate it when the bad guy's so good?
Harm:	No, makes nailing his ass that much more satisfying.
*****
Meg:	Why do I always attract nerds?
Harm:	Maybe it's the uniform.
*****
Meg:	You don't like me because I replaced Kate.
Harm:	No, I don't like you because you didn't disqualify yourself from this mission. That at least I would have respected.
*****
Harm:	Why don't you have a little pizza and bug juice with him. Seeing you vulnerable might make him drop his guard.
Meg:	What, you want me to play the faint hearted female?
Harm:	I don't want you to play anything, Lt.
*****
Sailor:	What'd you fly, Lt.?
Harm:	Tomcats.
Sailor:	Tomcats to JAG?
Harm:	I broke one. They wouldn't give me another one.
*****
	(Harm is leaning over Meg's shoulder)
Meg:	Don't you have something to do sir?
Harm:	I'm doing it.
Meg:	By bugging me?
Harm:	I'm lending moral support.
*****
Meg:	I've penetrated four levels, two booby traps, and even found a fake program that looks good but does nothing.
Harm:	I know a woman like that.
*****
Harm to bad guy:	No Mr. Grover, you do not pass go, you do not collect 40 million dollars. You go straight to jail.

Deja Vu

Meg:	Sorry I broke up the party.
Harm:	We were just talking.
Meg:	Harm, you and I are just talking. You and she were tangoing across the dance floor half naked one foot in the nearest bedroom.
*****
Meg:	I'm on my way to meet Det. Axelrod.
Harm:	Using your human approach?
Meg:	That's right.
Harm:	Meaning you're wearing a dress.
Meg:	Look, don't think you know me that well, because you don't. I'll be so subtle that by the time I work my way round to asking for the file he'll barely notice.
Harm:	Is it a red dress?
	(Meg is wearing a red dress)

Sightings

Little girl:	"You're not going to leave us..."
Harm:	"I would never leave you, Sweet Pea. There's a church between here and the gate. Where better to meet than at a church?"
*****
Harm to Meg:	"You want me to put in my report that you believe that we’re chasing little green men? "

Brig Break

Kate:	Listen to you. You threw away the book when you were 16.
Harm:	Not true, I just read a different book.
*****
Kate:	You didn't tell her?
Harm:	Must have slipped my mind.
Meg:	Happens alot.
Kate:	I had the same problem with him.
*****
Jesse:	We ain't got no female officer defending us?
Quinn:	You're too pretty for a female lawyer, Jesse, and Davis is too horny.
Davis:	What's that make you?
Quinn:	Well, I'm between pretty and horny. I guess that makes me pretty horny.
*****
Meg:	We're looking for a five digit code with a seven.
Harm:	How much time?
Meg:	Seven minutes. Funny huh?
Kate and Harm:	No!

Hemlock

	(talking about Krennick)
Meg:	"I hope you had a good weekend."
Harm:	"Where is the dragon lady anyway?"
*****
	(talking about Krennick)
Meg:	“She might have a soft side.”
Harm:	Yeah, like Atilla the Hun.”
*****
Krennick:	We have a chance to find him with this sketch.
Adm. Chegwidden:	Which the other agencies don't have?
Krennick:	No sir.
Adm. Chegwidden:	Screw 'em. Steal their thunder.
Harm:	Sir?
Adm. Chegwidden:	Steal their thunder. SOB comes in here and shoots one of my officers, I want him stuffed and put in my trophy room. And I want us to do it.
Harm:	Yes sir.

War Cries

Cpl Cortez:	"They're not going to be glad to see us."
Harm:	"I'm a lawyer, Corporal, no one's ever glad to see me."

Survivors

Meg:	"So, how does it feel being a divorce lawyer?"
Harm:	"Let’s put it on par with being a proctologist"

Pilot rror

Harm:	"Sorry we're late, Sir, we were misdirected."
Reed:	"Is that a pilots way of saying lost, Lt?"
Harm:	"Pilots don't get lost Mr. Reed, they’re momentarily disoriented."
*****
Meg:	"The way she looked at you, they were probably directions to her house!"

Desert Son

Meg:	"I'll have to plead article five of the officer's code of conduct, sir."
Harm:	"Name, rank, serial number, and date of birth?"
Meg:	"It's the closest thing to a "I can't tell you how I'm gonna do it" article, sir."

Smoked

Harm:	What's the warning, Commander?
Krennick:	The Admiral has an aide that's a killer. You're the rising young star in JAG and that's a threat to her ambitions.
Harm:	Her ambitions.....
Krennick:	I'm the Admiral's aide.
Harm:	You have nothing to worry about, Commander, I'm not that good, or ambitious.
Krennick:	The hell you're not. That's one of the reasons why I want to sleep with you.
*****
Harm:	Where's the stick?
Pilot:	It's built in on Air Force pilots, Commander.
*****
Meg:	Five chips. All they have to download is five chips and they'll have what makes the Tomcat so lethal.
Harm:	The pilot?
*****
Meg:	They probably figure we'll never know Barkov downloaded the data.
Secretary Bearer:	Yeah, until we're up against Ukranian F-14's as good as ours.
Harm:	They'll never be as good as our unless we're flying them.
*****
Bearer:	How did you sabotage it?
Harm:	With a Navy issue, 34 inch, brass tip cinch.
Bearer:	What the hell is that?
Harm:	My belt.

Boot

Gonzalez:	"Are you taking personal time this morning, Private Whitley?"
Whitley:	"Ma'am, no, ma'am! Uh, the private means yes, ma'am!
Gozalez:	"Which one is it?"
Whitley;	"Which one what, ma'am?"
Gonzalez:	"What is your answer; yes, ma'm, or no, ma'am?"
Whitley:	"Ma'am, could you repeat the question, ma'am?"
Gonzalez:	"This question is, do you realize that this is Parris Island, not Hilton Head?
	Private Whitley, you have exactly thirty seconds to make that rack so tight
	I can bounce a quarter off it, or I WILL bounce your head off the side of
	this bulkhead!!! Do you understand me, or do I need to translate that into IDIOT???"

Brotherhood

Capt. Overton:

The more they sweat in training, the less they bleed in battle."

Black Ops

Harm:	“I guess you really do have to be crazy to be a SEAL”
SEAL:	“No crazier than ejecting from a cockpit with a rocket up your six”
Harm:	“Maybe not, but I only do that when I don’t have a choice”
*****
Senator:	Washington will have your stars for this, Admiral.
Adm. Chegwidden:	Well, if anything goes wrong, Lt. Austin's my point of authority, I'll give them her bars.
*****
Admiral Chegwidden:	My name is Admiral Chegwidden. I am the Judge Advocate General of the United States Navy.
	Before I leave this hangar, I will know the why, and the how of Lt. Douglas Marion's
	death, while Commander Rabb here is gonna have your ass, and I'm gonna own your soul.
*****
Admiral:	"I like you, son. I'm probably going to hang you, but I like you."

The Prisoner

Interrogator:	Will the United States interfere when we take back the islands? And this time a one word answer will not suffice.
Harm:	Harmon Rabb, Jr. Lieutenant Commander in the United States Navy. 989548301 October 25, 1963
*****
Interogator:	Commander sounds so formal. What do your friends call you?
Harm:	Harm, Rabb, pain in the butt.
*****
Harm:	Are you a prisoner?
Prisoner:	No, I'm here on vacation. I wanted something dank and dark for a change. Of course I'm a prisoner!
*****
Prisoner:	Remember what I used to tell you when you were little?
Harm:	Always address adults as sir or ma'am and never play with matches?
*****
Meg:	He wasn't your partner.
Krennick:	He served under me, Lieutenant.
Meg:	With all due respect it's not the same thing.
Krennick:	Excuse me Lieutenant. Are we having a competition over who cares more about Harm?
	I'm just as upset as you are. I'm just not as good at showing it as you are. I never was. I've grown to care very much about Harm.
Meg:	I understand.
Krennick:	I'm not sure you do Meg. I know how that sounded. Now you're wondering if Harm and I were sleeping together.
Meg:	No, ma'am; Yes, ma'am.
Krennick:	Unfortunately, no....Were you?
Meg:	We never slept together.
Krennick:	But you thought about it.
Meg:	Yes.
Krennick:	Too bad.
Meg:	Why? For admitting to the same desires as you.
Krennick:	No, for telling me. You wouldn't say it if you thought he was still alive.

Ares

Kate:	Why are you so curious?
Harm:	It's my nature.
*****
Cdr. Brockman to Harm:	This must have hit some hot buttons in Washington for the Admiralto send the JAG poster boy himself!
*****
Kate:	...but the plane stopped in Seattle. So I stowed the bikini and bought mittens.
Harm:	I'd love to see you in them.
Kate:	My mittens?
Harm:	Just your mittens.
*****
Harm:	Why'd you dump him?
Kate:	I didn't dump him.... It got too heavy.
Harm:	What he do? Ask you to marry him?
	(Kate does not respond)
Harm:	He asked you to marry him.
Kate:	I'm pleading the 5th.
Harm:	And I'm declaring you a hostile witness.
Kate:	It took you this long to figure that out?
*****
Man holding Brockman hostage:	“I walk out of here, or he dies.”
Harm:	“Try it. I don't like him anyway.”

Defensive Action

CAG:	"I don't like the way you people fight."
Harm:	"You don't have to. All you have to do is stay out of our way."
*****
Harm:	"When do we leave, sir?"
Teddy:	"Right after we light up." He hands them each a cigar.
Harm:	"Your wife have a baby, sir?"
Teddy:	"Not that I know of. This just arrived from the Secretary of the Navy. Congratulations...Lieutenant Commander Rabb."
	(Meg gives Harm a kiss on the cheek)
Teddy:	"Makes me wish you were around when I got my promotion, Lieutenant."
*****
Sailor:	"You still miss it, don't you, sir?"
Harm:	"Only when I'm back on board, or see a jet, shaving in the morning, in my dreams, eating a pizza, watching a movie..."
*****
CAG:	"Can I be my own lawyer?"
Meg:	"Technically, sir, but..."
CAG:	"You're fired, Lieutenant."

Skeleton Crew

Krennick:	"An Agent Turque."
Admiral:	"You're kidding."
Krennick:	"No, sir."
Admiral:	"And I thought Chegwidden was bad."
Krennick:	"So anyway, this Turque..." *starts laughing *
Admiral:	"His life in high school must have been hell."
Krennick:	"I'm sure it was, sir."
*****
Sarah:	Diane said you were a chronic punster.
Harm:	Guilty.
*****
Harm:	You know Meg, Mr. Roberts has the makings of a fine naval officer.
Meg:	Or a criminal lawyer.
*****
	(Harm is getting into the shower and Meg is standing at his bathroom door.)
Harm:	You better get going, unless you want to join me in the shower.